The Last Pain

I stood there like a silhouette of myself in the early gray morning. The silent air and the cold felt damp like my emotions. She was gone, but my soul was not acknowledging the finality of her death, nor willing to accept that I will not be able to see the warmth she had for me in her eyes, the selfless care she had for me. I never was able to look upon her face, nor feel the embrace ever after. It was all gone, knowing it was not enough time to prepare for the catastrophe, I took months to rehearse this moment in my head but all this is like a jolting shock. Feels like a cold dream, everything seems to be in my control, but nothing was waiting for me to catch up. I stood there staring at her lifeless corpse being covered in the pile of wood logs, one upon the other. Wondering if she could even feel the pain of that massive wood weight and the heat of the fire? The chilled winter air invaded my lungs and sting my eyes. I wanted her to get up and call it a prank for once and we could walk out of this cemetery and never return back. But nothing was going to change the still time and the unmoving winds, the silent birds as if they knew already. The only way I was to starve emotionally, hide the pain and mask the normalcy with a strong hope to not forget but forgetting was inevitable not known to me now. I want to cry my heart out, but I have grown too cold with a lump in my throat, numb thoughts and my ribs are becoming heavy not allowing to breath from all the raw emotional weight. It took a while for the pitiless blazing flames to consume everything and the tendrils of smoke escape to the sky, leaving behind nothing but ashes of wood and a few bones. I sat there waiting for the ashes to cool down and carefully collect the remaining bones and mix them into the great Ganges, pouring out everything into the Ganges felt as if she was freed from the worldly burden and she was somewhere in a better place than here but I am orphaned with no one to turn to. The last pain to be lasting life long, taking my heavy steps back one step at a time thinking about my Maa.

And… I become one among the crowd.

Aditya Vishnu
S/o. Late. Mr. Vishnu & Late. Mrs Seema Vishnu