A spark that started between him and me felt so real and unreal at the same time. The spark I wished would grow into the lantern that lights the darkness within me. Relationships, as I feel, are all about fire and ice in proportions. Those in them have to tame the flames not to get burnt in and hold the chills of ice close enough to keep it warm to not drown in the coldness. A flame of brighter fire can burn down everything to ashes, and so will the cold keep be piercing hard. It’s a constant struggle of fear and paranoia. The push and pull with longing and fear of declaration is the sweet pain of love. The exchange of feelings is merely the necessary needs of human existence. But there is a cost we pay for burying the feelings and emotions deep into the bones, driving towards loneliness. Acceptance is the only way to return to the absolute joy of connection with another soul. In this ailing world of what-ifs and may-be, there is a connection with another soul that matters beyond the calculations of existence. The battle of existence and struggle for survival is an endless pile of things. Amid the endless Congo of grapple, some tangled bonds to the educated and conscious brains are known well not meant to be together. But then there is this faint yet strong bond between the two that keeps pulling them towards each other at every small occurrence. Those tangled souls are so messed up to sort them to pull them back to normalcy; instead, we live by them as they are in on and off.
Every time I pull back myself up to have a conversation with him, it feels like the last conversation of my life; all the things are said and done as if there is no tomorrow at all. It amazes me how he sums up all the love and hates towards me so well. I see a multitude of love, and he makes it sound like a shit show. To win a war, they teach divide and conquer, and to win a relationship, we need to unite and conquer divinely. But the step of uniting looks faintly possible ever. The faint daydreaming with an intense nightmare of our bond is tangled beyond repair. I fear the untangling will loosen the bond to break. It feels relatively strong to have the “on again — off again” relationship, which keeps the hope alive within me as long as I am alive.
“The torturous push and pull of the relationships are to only spill all over the place…. “