I was given the space… But…!

I sat there silently sobbing on a decade old wound that seems so fresh as if it was the event of yesterday’s carrying forward today. With heavy heart I was trying hard to not break-down, a lump in my throat, not able to swallow nor able to speak. The pain that was roaring up was getting hard to hold it together. I sat there in a make-believe superficial calmness staring at the busy street as if I was enjoying the pace of living in a steadier rhythm. I see her walk by the road from the tall wall of glass, she knew I was there and without searching for me she came as quietly as possible and sat opposite to me. Neither did she say anything nor did I acknowledge about her arrival, it all felt like it was mutually understood and was no need to mention any of it.

There was something different about her that day as if she knew so well that I was better left let be alone and handle it myself. Yes, it feels comforting when someone is trying to help you process through your gray thoughts, but, that day I just wanted a known face around me to only stop me from doing something foolish to my own self. One of the rare few times when I couldn’t trust myself being alone and drift into the world with no known return back. I was cascading down through the worst of the emotions those haunt me day and night robing the joy and peace within. Seeing me this lost she could have pitched in by striking a conversation, but somewhere deep inside I was hoping that she shouldn’t ask me about nothing. She didn’t say a word, it was getting impossible to mask the calmness and there came a time, silent tears started rolling down. One drop after another in the endless train of droplets sneaking out of my eyes staining my face. A moment came where I pulled myself up and tried to make a conversation with her and she was there patiently all ears trying to understand the cryptic things I had to say.

It is so easy to keep asking questions when you see a person at their most vulnerable, but this friend of mine knew exactly when not to ask about anything that would make me more vulnerable. In my one of the rock bottom moments she made me learn that not always talking helps, but just being there in silence is much stronger of support one can give. The evening just ended as I was being grateful for the space that I was given BUT it hardly took any time and sooner I learnt that she was battling a perplexing turmoil within herself. In the existence of the evening until the night fall the entire time, I was being thankful for allowing me to have the space and silent support that I needed, but somewhere the truth was she was also at war within herself and she was also seeking the same space and silence. And the respect for her got higher than I can explain in any given words for holding herself so composed, the mask that fits her so well…

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Lavanya Addepalli

“Wandering Researcher” .. Student by profession... Human by heart with clusters in brain.. Travel & Music Lover, Foodie, Ghost Writer