Ghosts from the Past, Too Tangible To Hold In Bare Hands

Lavanya Addepalli
3 min readJun 14, 2020

On the inky and pitch-black days, you were my sunshine and my smile that stretched onto the ends of my cheeks. There were days just with a thought of you the gloom of the day would turn into bright and airy in no time. The love and care from the first ray of the dawn to ends of long stretched stars of dusk. The thought of warmth, of your presence lingering at the back of my head, though when we were miles apart. The sense of beloved every time when my intuition knew and I received a call from you. Every buzz of my phone knew when it was from you and the sparkles lit in my eyes. The fights that tore us apart every now and then, the silence in the presence that killed both of us and just when I thought it was done and dusted you always came down waving the white flag. It looked like ego, winning but no it was me winning the same person over and over again redefining the friendship, love and care stronger every time than before. The tough love that kept me on rails to home always and every time… but looks like I took you too much for granted and you choose to call it quits just like that as it rained that night and the next day a new dawn brought a new song for you… And I am stuck in that stormy night drenching tip to toe waiting for nothing at all…!

Ever since then the sunshine smile has been robbed off and is endlessly replaced by the train of tears ready to roll out every time the thought of you not being around crosses my mind. My phone is dead instrument with no traces of you in that anymore. It hardly even makes any buzz now, but when it does, I know for sure it’s not you anymore, but secretly I wish it was you just one more time. I feel trapped in the cage of your thoughts. I started inventing myriad of problems to get far away from the thoughts, but the pain is too deep rooted into my brains and I constantly fail to distract myself. There is this one unanswered question which I always was afraid of and you knew that well; yet you left me with same unanswered question. It’s a futile battle between the subconscious and wide-awake conscious thoughts to find the answer of that unanswered question. I keep reiterating the last conversation until I don’t reach to the plateau where neither I am suffering anymore, nor am I comfortable with a make-believe answer but I reach a state of emotional limbo. The feeling of being trapped suffocats and encourages me to kick myself to curb to never return back or draws me to the urges of getting high to a no return point set myself free from the prison of thoughts…

The shards of glasses press into my soles smoothly just like a butter knife cutting through soft butter & then the blood pours out like liquid magic… Warm & thick the crimson red molten lava taking me into the tunnel, dark and cold with nothing to return back to… I see mirages of you everywhere and my brains started to defocus into the infinites….!

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Lavanya Addepalli

“Wandering Researcher” .. Student by profession... Human by heart with clusters in brain.. Travel & Music Lover, Foodie, Ghost Writer